Homeward Bound
by labourofliterature
Summary: They'd had a somewhat challenging relationship from the get-go in junior year, which hadn't surprised either of them given that their adolescent romance had sparked to life somewhere between a near nose job and a bitch slap in a bathroom.
1. Prologue

"…I wish I was."

A wave of passion thawed through her chest and rushed straight to her heart when a soft hand traced a path across her stomach, stroking little love hearts into her skin. Goosebumps rose on her arms and tingles shivered through her whole body at the gesture, and though her conscience was screaming at her not to, Rachel couldn't help but roll further into the touch and curled onto her side until she was face to face with her partner.

An understanding smile graced the lips before her and the arm wandered higher until a palm came to rest in-between Rachel's shoulder blades and pulled her closer until her face was tucked snugly into a hot neck.

As if by instinct, Rachel parted her lips and pressed the softest of kisses to the sweaty skin within her reach and smiled at the contented hum that she heard from above. It was a sound she'd never tire of hearing, so she kissed again – selfishly so – because she was in love with this neck and wouldn't ever pass up an opportunity to kiss it.

Two hands quickly found their way around Rachel's body and pulled her impossibly closer, then slipping a leg between her two and hooking her ankle under Rachel's calf. A quiet 'I love you' was murmured between them and their lips connected. Behind fireworks and supernovas, it was like their first kiss, every time, and Rachel whimpered weakly against the lips that were so needily pressing on hers. She tilted her head and allowed her lover to deepen their kiss and released a quiet sigh at the feel of a deft tongue grazing her lower lip.

A million miles away, in her rational mind, Rachel knew this was wrong. She knew it every time it happened, but just like she'd done today, she always came back, to this apartment two hours from her own home in Allentown and slipped into an adulterous shame in a world far from the reality of her husband and son. And despite knowing the pain it would inflict on her family if they ever found out about her lover, she couldn't ignore how _right_it felt to be in these arms and to kiss these lips and to love this soul.

Nothing burned in her like desire, and the embrace she often returned forced her to face the unfortunate truth that her heart was quite stuck here, in Manhattan in this room, in the person lying beside her, and there was nothing she could do to save herself.

Her thoughts often got the best of her in times like this, when the two of them lay in silence and kissed each other until one of them pulled away for air and neither of them could ignore it. They tried their best, because their time together was always limited and they didn't want to spend it with guilt on their shoulders.

But today was different, because Rachel was carrying a little more this time and finding the right moment to articulate what was on her mind was drifting further and further away with each passion-filled kiss. But the sun had set long ago, and she knew that Peter would probably be waiting up for her.

Rachel always worked late on Thursdays and on occasion stayed over night at the office planning projects with various musicians. It wasn't for her. It was never for her. On this day, though, she'd left work early just to come here and spend one last night in beloved arms before they were to part for several weeks.

A husky, familiar voice murmured something against her lips and broke the kiss with a gasp and Rachel pulled back to gaze into rich hazel eyes that shone at her with utter adoration and affection.

It made her heart flutter.

For a moment she stopped listening and her eyes washed over the face only centimeters from her own. For years she'd admired it, all through high school she'd been envious of that perfect nose, the captivating eyes and the damn sexiest jaw she'd ever seen in her life. The same blooming blonde hair that had cascaded over shoulders when it wasn't pulled back in a ponytail, making Rachel's knees weak, was now tangled between her fingers, giving off a sweet vanilla scent. Skin, that was constantly glowing, and nimble hands that were much more gentle than she'd ever expected were now pressed against her – holding her.

She really was the prettiest girl she'd ever met, but rather than her being Rachel's best quality, Quinn Fabray had played a crucial part in becoming her worst.


	2. I love you, but you're bringing me down

A/N: My muse comes and goes as it pleases, but I'm trying my best to have regular updates. The entire story is planned out, but i'm still writing. I welcome all feedback and please enjoy!

* * *

Quinn had asked herself time and time again where things had started to go wrong. Days had been lost with her just recalling and taking apart the past 5 years to find the exact point where her future and Rachel's, had started to unfold in different directions.

They'd had a somewhat challenging relationship from the get-go in junior year, which hadn't surprised either of them given that their adolescent romance had sparked to life somewhere between a near nose job and a bitch slap in a bathroom. Then there was Finn – a constant 6 foot something wall between them – who had pined after Rachel through their entire senior year, resulting in their dramatic break-up and consequentially, Quinn's accident.

It had driven them further apart at first, with Quinn's resentment towards the brunette and her almost husband, and Rachel's pride that allowed Joe Hart to drive the wedge between her and Quinn even deeper, but as Nationals and graduation approached, Rachel spent less time with Finn, and more time intruding herself on Quinn's rehabilitation appointments. After graduation, they both found themselves in New York at Yale and NYADA. With only an hour by train between them, they re-connected and by the end of their second semester, they were together again.

That was until Rachel stood Quinn up on their two-year-anniversary. January 13th, 7PM and Quinn was stood outside, shivering in the falling snow at their favourite restaurant in New York City, waiting for her girlfriend, who never showed up. She'd been furious at first, but after finding out that Rachel had blown her off – without so much as a text message –because her _friend_, Brody had just had his heart broken by a girl and she needed to be there for him, her anger turned to hurt.

As if by default, Quinn had started to dislike Brody over the remaining college years. All of sudden, her and Rachel had less time to spend together because the brunette had already made plans with him and she couldn't 'break her commitment' – and Quinn certainly wasn't above being a smartass and pointing out the blatant irony in Rachel's non-excuse.

And that was what everything became, excuse after excuse until one day Rachel turned up on Quinn's doorstep in New Haven and ended their relationship. Then one night when she was back in Lima, in the 'not long enough to be in another relationship' future, Quinn was bored and browsing her Facebook homepage when a picture appeared:

**Rachel Berry **was tagged in a photo.

Noticing that it was from Brody's account – who she wasn't friends with because _please_ – her curiosity peaked and Quinn clicked on Rachel's profile to find that Rachel was having a party for the Fourth of July at her loft in Bushwick. The picture captured Kurt smiling wryly at Rachel who was caught in what Quinn decided was an involuntary headlock by _Brody_, with the biggest smile on her face. Brody was smiling too and his arm disappeared in the corner of the photo, as though he was holding the camera. Unable to help herself, Quinn started to click through the pictures. There was one with Santana, who looked repulsed and was clearly unaware that she was being snapped on camera, which left Quinn wondering what she was looking at, though she needn't have wondered much longer after the next picture appeared.

Rachel was holding the camera in front of them this time and was expertly snapping a shot of herself and Brody caught in a lip-lock. Quinn cringed at first, not at the sight but rather the sharp stabbing feeling in her chest that made her feel incredibly nauseous. Then in her rage, Quinn removed Rachel from her 'friends' list and slammed her laptop shut, only to regret it the next day when her backspace key kept sticking.

From then on, Quinn only really heard about Rachel's life when she saw Kurt, which wasn't very often. Her and Santana kept in touch and saw each other often, but they didn't spend a lot of time discussing the girl who had 'screwed' Quinn 'right in the heart' _twice_, as Santana so gracefully liked to put it. Unless there was something notable, or Santana was complaining. Much like she did when Brody left Rachel, because the teary brunette was moping around the loft all the time. Or when Rachel started dating again, which was even worse because if there was anything more annoying than teary Rachel, it was fluffy Rachel; and her new boyfriend, Peter had turned her into a 'disgustingly gushy ball of fluff'. It infuriated Quinn when Kurt told her she'd 'moved on' from her dreams of bright lights and Broadway stages because Peter had swept her off her feet. Rachel Berry didn't 'move on' from her dreams, _especially_ if said dreams revolved around Broadway or singing. That girl was born for the stage and the knowledge that Rachel was no longer striving for that pushed Quinn right back through the doors to Berryville.

It'd been a surprising and slightly awkward process at first, but after a few 'group hangs', sending cards on occasions and re-adding her on Facebook, Quinn and Rachel re-connected for the third time through sporadic text messages, which turned into daily updates, to large phone bills that neither of them seemed to struggle with. Santana warned Quinn, as she started visiting their loft more often, that Rachel wasn't going to leave Peter, but Quinn, stubborn as ever, decided that she knew Rachel better than Santana did and if Rachel loved her the way she thought she did, she'd be with Quinn in an instant.

It was the last day of Hanukkah when Quinn told Rachel how she felt – even still, after all that time – to be faced with a regrettable rejection.

Rachel couldn't say that she'd been surprised to find out that Quinn had never really stopped loving her, because she felt the exact same way. As soon as Brody had left her for the next best thing, Rachel realized what she'd thrown away, but was too scared to go after Quinn after the blonde had broken all contact between them. She'd made it pretty obvious that she didn't want Rachel in her life any longer.

Then she met Peter, and while she'd fallen in love with him almost immediately, she knew she'd always love Quinn just that little bit more. But she settled, because Peter was good, kind-hearted, handsome and honest, and she loved him. She quit NYADA in the middle of her senior year to follow her new dreams. Her new dreams of settling down and starting a family with the man she loved, all while her love for Quinn was always unwavering.

Because with Peter came security and stability, which was something she'd never had with Quinn. It'd always been reckless and entirely passion-driven.

The first time it happened was January 13th, only 10 months into Rachel's relationship with Peter and coincidentally what would've been their four-year anniversary had their high school breakup never happened. They were at a show, and in the middle of one of Quinn's many attempts to make Rachel fall back in love with the stage and realize that she could have stability _and_ a dream. Quinn had scored them tickets to 'Funny Girl' and during _Who Are You Now?_ Rachel reached across the arm rest, grabbed Quinn's hand and squeezed.

An hour later, Rachel kissed her, and they spent the night together in Quinn's dorm, only to wake up the next morning swearing it could never happen again. It was the first of many broken promises, and to this day, Quinn was still trying to pin point the moment that everything went downhill for her.

Sometimes she wished that she'd never kissed Rachel back that night. She could've avoided continuous heartbreak on a weekly basis whenever she had to say goodbye to her and watch her to go back to her family. Or when the brunette had been laying on top of her one night and told her that Peter had proposed, or the following night when she'd sent her a _text message_ to tell her she'd said yes, because apparently that was all she was worth. Then again, a year later, when she'd fallen pregnant and another year when she'd given birth to Nicholas. He was heartbreakingly beautiful and apart from the blue eyes, looked just like Rachel with his soft brown hair and plump little lips.

But if Quinn hadn't kissed her back, she wouldn't have the stolen moments that she lives for. She wouldn't be able to kiss Rachel, or hear the words back whenever she says 'I love you'. She wouldn't be able to fall asleep holding her, or feel the need behind her kisses whenever they met.

That being said, Quinn couldn't help but think about the life she'd have without Rachel at all. She wouldn't wake up to an empty bed every day, she wouldn't anticipate the next batch of bad news from anyone, and she wouldn't know love or the sacrifices worth making for it.

She wouldn't be watching the love of her life go home to her husband and son at the end of every day instead of staying with her.

She saw Rachel several times a week, and since graduation, her career had taken off and Quinn was living in Hamilton Heights pursuing her acting career. The next day she was flying to the West Coast to audition for a role on a show based in New York.

She told herself she wasn't dictating her life around Rachel, but if she could stay in New York and pursue her chosen career, it was even better.

Rachel had since moved to Allentown after Peter's work took them to a more residential area. Nicholas could play outside in a garden as well, as opposed to sitting on a balcony in an NYC apartment. So essentially, Quinn's life had turned into a 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, except there were parts missing and parts that didn't fit together anymore, and it all came back to Rachel.

Most of her moments came back to Rachel, and right now, she was watching the brunette move around the room like a storm, pulling on items of discarded clothing while trying to fix her hair and find her phone and keys at the same time. She groaned frustratedly and shot Quinn a filthy look when she found one of the buttons on her blouse was missing and tore it off all together to shove it into her bag. Luckily, she had a sweater with her.

Quinn bunched the sheets in her fists and held it up around her naked body as she stumbled out of the bed and across the room to the bathroom where she made a point to slam the door behind her.

They'd had a fight. _Again_. But what did Rachel expect? She'd just told her that she was _pregnant! _She had every right to be furious with her. For the past five years Rachel had treated her like some dirty little secret and hurt her over and over again without giving her a moments thought. So maybe it was a little ungraceful of her to call Rachel a hoe, but they'd had an amazing evening up until she'd dropped the baby bomb.

They'd gone for dinner and even seen a movie together and it would've been the perfect send-off for Quinn, but once again, Rachel had to selfishly clear her conscience at the expense of someone else.

Quinn braced her hands on the side of the sink in the bathroom, and gazed intently at her reflection as the cool marble rushed through her body like a Xanax and gradually soothed her temper until she felt ready to go out and tackle the situation. Her cheeks were flushed, and she could justify that it was because her apartment was always hot because Rachel was always cold and she was nothing if not accommodating; but she knew their argument had affected her more than she'd like to admit.

She'd been called many things in her life, and knocked down by people she thought were her friends and casting agents, but throughout all the adversity and challenges she'd faced as a result, Rachel had always been there, even when they were only friends. Rachel would give her a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on until she could stand again. Though tonight, Rachel had jumped ship and resorted to harsh words and defences to take Quinn down, leaving the blonde feeling more betrayed – as if that was at all possible – than before.

Quinn half expected to find an empty room when she opened the bathroom door, like she had done a few times in the past when their arguments had gotten so heated at least one of them had been left in tears, but this time she found the brunette perched – fully dressed and pristine looking – on the foot of the bed.

She looked up when she realized that she was no longer alone in the room and beckoned Quinn with her eyes and a shy smile. Unable to resist, Quinn plodded over, keeping one hand holding up the sheet around her and dropped herself down next to Rachel. She let her hand be pulled into the lap beside her and her heart stupidly fluttered at the gesture. Their fingers slid together so easily and Rachel turned to gaze absorbedly into hazel eyes as though she was searching for something, but she herself didn't know what.

A hand cupped Quinn's cheek and her thumb stroked back and forth just under her eye, waiting to catch any tears that may fall.

"You _know _that I love you." Came tumbling off of Rachel's lips and surprised them both, leaving them speechless for a few seconds. Confessions of love were usually only expressed beneath their sheets in moments of passion and not in their sobered conversations. Relief washed over Quinn when she saw Rachel smile to herself and carry on. "I was really hoping we wouldn't fight on our last night together." She articulated more rationally this time, much to Quinn's dismay.

It was in moments of fervour or rage that Rachel often spoke the truth and she wanted nothing more than an insight into the brunette's mind.

"You know what they say about hope." Quinn quipped and Rachel rolled her eyes. _Breeds eternal misery._

"Please, Quinn."

The blonde sighed and untangled her fingers from Rachel's loving grasp. It wasn't fair that she could so easily hypnotize her by just the touch of her hand. Not when she had a husband and a son and a 50 percent chance there was another on the way. Really, how was she supposed to react? What could Rachel really have been hoping for? A celebration? Or maybe she'd wanted Quinn to passionately object because 'enough was enough' and _they_ belonged together. But Quinn had tried that, and it hadn't worked the way it was supposed to.

Rachel hadn't fallen into her arms. She'd continually fallen back into Peter's.

"I don't know what you expect from me." And half the time, Rachel didn't know herself, Quinn thought.

"I-I want you to be happy for me." She sounded unsure and Quinn knew she was just saying words to fill what were no longer comfortable silences. Gone were the days where they could just be in each other's company without words to say. Unless they were in bed together, one of them would always fill the silence.

Quinn scoffed and let out a haughty chuckle. "Do you really?"

Rachel nodded and the smug smile was gone from Quinn's face in an instant.

"You're a liar."

"I am _no_-"

"Either you're a liar or far more self-centred than I ever thought."

Rachel fell silent because neither sounded particularly appealing if she were to pick a label. Of course she'd known Quinn wouldn't be _happy_ about the news, but when she'd told her about Nicholas, she'd just smiled – a little sadly – but then she'd congratulated her and that'd been it. It wasn't fair that Quinn had reacted so passionately this time and expressed said passion through a colorful string of biting insults.

"I don't think that's very fair to –"

"'Fair' isn't a debate you want to start with me today, Rachel." She glanced at her watch and rolled her eyes. It was past 10. Rachel never usually stayed later than 9:30 so she could make it home in ample time before Peter went to bed, and Quinn usually tried to persuade her to stay the night, but today, this evening she was almost tempted to send Rachel out of the door without even so much as a goodnight kiss.

But who was she kidding? She knew she'd never be able to do that. It'd always been one of her biggest faults that she could scarcely say no to Rachel and it had been driving her into a dark hole of loneliness from the age of 18.

"You're being defensive." Rachel said very matter-of-factly. _Was she serious?_ She chanced a grasp at Quinn's hand, but the blonde stiffened and shifted uncomfortably beside her, nonetheless not putting any more distance between them. Quinn just shook her head hopelessly; because there was still so much Rachel didn't know.

There was still so much she couldn't see.

"I think you should go, Rach." It wasn't said with malice, but her tone didn't carry the usual despondency it did whenever Rachel had to leave.

"Do you really want me to leave?" Rachel asked sadly and Quinn nodded just once. Then for a few seconds, as though entirely unfamiliar with this context, both women just stared at the other. It wasn't uncommon for them to simply watch each other when they lay together, or when one was chattering away and the other caught up in a daydream about the other, but on what could so easily be perceived as a negative request, they were never speechless and Quinn could feel it churning away in her stomach as she watched Rachel's eyes search hers _desperately_ for something, _anything_ that could give the indication that there wasn't a deeper meaning behind the request and that Quinn still loved her even though she was having another baby.

On occasions like this, when Rachel's emotion got the better of her, Quinn could read her so effortlessly. So painfully easy that she often found herself torn between wanting to dive deeper to take all she could in these rare moments and to run away, if only to spare her own feelings. _Someone_ had to be concerned with them.

Feeling utterly drained by the tension between them, and by Rachel's vulnerable eyes, Quinn made the quick decision to wind her fingers into Rachel's hair and pull her down into a stupefying kiss. And _oh God_, was it stupefying.

Acting entirely on instinct, Rachel fisted her hands into the sheet around Quinn's body and pulled it towards her, dragging Quinn with it. The feel of Rachel's hands pulling her closer made her stomach swoop pleasantly into her throat, and she let out a shuddering breath when Rachel's lips parted against hers, seeking permission to deepen the kiss.

She was still trying to pull her impossibly closer and all of a sudden, Rachel's hand was sliding its way up Quinn's waist and attempting to pull the sheet away. Quinn let it happen, like she always did and when she felt soft fingers against her skin, her chest burned with devastation.

Because these hands would never be hers.

The kiss intensified even further and in a swift motion Rachel was straddling a half naked Quinn back on the bed. Rachel kept their lips mashed together because she knew the moment they parted; she'd have to really leave.

The thought of parking up in Allentown and crawling into bed with Peter made her feel uneasy; resentful, because _God,_ he was a good guy, he was an amazing husband and father, but it wasn't how Rachel had imagined her life to be. Nothing about her life was what she'd planned for herself. Her fathers were disappointed at her decisions, but they were there for her through dropping out of NYADA and leaving the City to start a family. Travelling two hours back into Manhattan five times a week wasn't easy, and it certainly wasn't cheap; but her journeys home were always interrupted by a stop at Quinn's; and that made life bearable. And _fuck_, she knew it made her sound like a horrible human being, and Rachel loved her son more than anything in the world, but he was a constant reminder of the life she'd so naively fallen into at the tender age of 20.

Now at 25, she was living a double life. One where she was in love with her husband and adored her son. She was the ever-doting mother, and dutiful wife who thrived on nurturing a happy family. But on occasion, Rachel would slip away and find solace in the arms of rising star, Quinn Fabray, her high school sweetheart.

She knew she'd been at fault from the start of their relationship and Quinn had laid down numerous chances for them to be together over the past five years. She never could quite figure out what had stopped her before she'd met Peter; it could've been the lack of security, the need for instant success, the fact that she'd never felt 100% secure in Quinn's presence, no matter how many times the blonde had confessed her love because really, Quinn was the most beautiful woman in the world and could have anyone she wanted.

She'd never understood why Quinn had chosen her in the first place.

But it wasn't worth dwelling on anymore because she had Peter and she couldn't fault him. He provided for her and their son, he loved her and he treated her like a princess. But guilt wasn't in Rachel's agenda. She knew it made her stony and potentially sociopathic, but Quinn was, and always would be the love of her life.

It was her biggest regret. She was trapped and it made her crazy. It made her resent and it made her hate. She was a selfish shell of a person, and powerless but to face the bitter truth that it takes a life to learn how to live.

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"_Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process she does not become a monster…" – Friedrich Nietzsche_


	3. I'll play the game but not pretend

**A/N: Thank you so much for the comments, it helps to keep me writing! The second part of this chapter will be coming soon! Enjoy and please review!**

**Also, you can follow me and ask me any questions on tumblr if you like! - labourofliterature**

**Thank you for reading**

* * *

Though it'd only been three days since she'd become Rachel's houseguest / babysitter, Quinn had somehow managed to let herself fall even deeper into the spiraling black hole that had become her love life. It was as though there was a sickness in her heart by the name of Rachel Berry and it was aggressive, and it consumed her entirely, leaving her no choice but to submit to it's will, lest it inflict an unyielding damage that was sure to leave nothing in it's wreckage.

Five months ago when Rachel had not so considerately announced her pregnancy after a farewell seduction, Quinn imagined she would've had the decency to appreciate her feelings and given her the space she'd asked for so desperately, knowing herself that if Rachel couldn't give it to her, she wouldn't be able to take it for herself.

Because she was a fool in love.

That was the thing about being in love with Rachel Berry. It wasn't a choice and five and a half years later, it wasn't even something she wanted anymore. The most painful love was the love she left un-shown. The love she had to hide, that couldn't be expressed.

Affection left unknown by the choice of Rachel.

Because she'd married Peter. And the most painful thing about unexpressed love was that it never faded away.

Quinn was trapped between loving embraces and heart-wrenching truths that Rachel wasn't going to leave Peter and they would never be together. She was an idiot, she knew, and Santana had urged her countless times to get out of New York and find a life for _herself_. She'd entertained the idea before because something about Santana's eyes and voice when she spoke always suggested the hint of a free spirit and it was all Quinn wanted until she remembered that being free meant leaving Rachel and she knew she wouldn't be able to do it.

She'd barely been able to resist falling into bed with Rachel without feeling the familiar lump of tears in her throat, when she'd been asked so simply to just lie with her ten minutes ago.

It had just felt like too much. And Rachel's voice had been so quiet and she'd had that shy trepidation of a new lover written all over her face that had made Quinn's stomach flutter pleasantly. But she knew it wasn't right, being in _Peter's _bed, though she had to acknowledge that being devastatingly in-love with his wife for the past five years was far more of a heinous betrayal than spending a few short moments in his bed.

Still, Quinn had regrettably declined and was now perched on the edge of the guest bed down the hall, with her head in her hands and trying so desperately hard not to get up and go straight back to her apartment in Hamilton Heights, away from the temptation.

She almost wished she'd never agreed to stay for the few days that Peter was working away because just knowing that Rachel was only two doors down and waiting for her was causing the ache in her chest to throb harder than ever.

She knew she shouldn't have put herself in this situation, and her mind ran back to the phone call she'd had only a week ago that had landed her right in the middle of this mess.

—

She'd been feeling particularly lonely all week. Rachel hadn't called, and Santana wouldn't be in town until next month. She had other friends, sure, but they didn't really know her the way her high school friends did. Once she'd moved to New York, Quinn had left all evidence of her indiscretions behind. Lucy didn't exist anymore, nor did her longing for acceptance by people she didn't know or care about. She didn't want to fit in anymore, because fitting in meant she was invisible. The only proof of her past were the scars coursing down her waist and left leg and the faint limp in her step whenever she walked for too long.

But leaving her past behind didn't mean she'd forgotten, or that she no longer craved intimacy. From Rachel, that was all she craved. All the time. All she wanted was to reach out and touch another human, not with her hands, but with her heart. And being with Rachel in high school had let her do that. It had only ever been and always would be Rachel.

Tossing her phone up and down in her hand that evening as she lounged against the pillows on her couch with a book while taking a break from her work, she let her mind wander to the brunette – not that she ever really stopped thinking about her – and thought about Sunday afternoon the week before, when they'd gone into The City for lunch together. It'd been innocent enough when they'd walked around Central Park with their scarfs wrapped tightly around them after lunch; before Rachel invited herself back to Quinn's apartment.

It wasn't anything new because she was initiator in their 'relationship' and Quinn was just the one who couldn't resist. Though on this occasion, Quinn had been the one to kiss her first, though only five minutes later, she knew it'd been the worst decision because Rachel was lying beside her, five months pregnant, and she could feel _everything_.

The baby kicked and Quinn's heart stopped. Entirely by reflex, she'd rolled away immediately and hid her face from view when tears threatened to fall. It was just yet another reminder of how they would never be together because of the man she had to share her with.

The memory alone sent a shiver down her spine and Quinn shook away the memory as she glanced down at her book again. She played with the stem of the glass of red wine she was currently nursing in her hand, dancing her fingers up and down the crystal neck and scanning over the words on the pages of her latest novel. Quinn had been able to tell by the blurb that it wasn't going to carry the most exciting plot, but she'd decided to read it anyway because there was no better distraction than falling into whimsical words and living vicariously through a fictional character.

One who had happy endings. And then she rolled her eyes at herself because really, what was she thinking? She was 26 and wishing her life away. She was barely at her beginning. There was no telling what kind of ending she would have.

But she'd been distracted all day and was feeling pretty cynical, trying to get her hands on scripts and attempting to power through the writer's block she'd lately been suffering. Though after three hours of staring at a document with no more than five words, she'd given up for the day and poured herself a large glass of wine.

Now halfway through her drink - and her book - Quinn was bored of the predictable storyline, she _still _had writers block and now she was thinking about Rachel again. It just wasn't her day, and though she didn't know it yet, it was about to become far worse.

Her phone blared into the apartment and she nearly jumped out of her skin as the glass slipped from the fingers and plummeted to the floor, landing and spilling all over her beige rug, that was now turning a deep red. She scowled impatiently and picked up the glass that had at least managed not to smash. Wiping her hand on her jeans as she picked up her phone from the table, Quinn swiped her thumb across the screen to answer without glancing at her caller ID.

"Hello?"

Her heart plummeted a million times over in anxiety at the sound of the voice speaking back to her on the other end of the line.

"Hi Quinn! How are you?"

_Fuck_, she thought tiredly, and suddenly realized she'd felt less exhausted when no one was calling her. On a day like this, the only thing that could possibly make it worse was talking to Rachel's husband on the phone and having to sound like it wasn't killing her inside.

"I'm OK, Peter." She responded quickly, not really wanting to extend this conversation longer than necessary. She knew it made her sound a little rude, but she was hoping the tone of her voice would tell him that she didn't want to be disturbed.

"Are you working? I don't want to disturb you, I just wanted a quick word."

Quinn knelt down to assess the damage on her carpet and sighed heavily when she saw that it definitely wasn't going to come out completely.

"I have a minute." she murmured.

"OK, listen. I just got a call from work and they need me to travel to Illinois next week for a few days. Normally, it'd be fine, but with Rach and the baby I don't really want to leave her alone."

"Hmm, OK." Quinn wasn't really listening, she was too busy fetching a damp cloth and soaking up the excess amount of wine on her floor.

"If you've got too much on your plate, I'll ask someone else. But you're Rachel's best friend and I know she'd rather it be you so I thought i'd ask first."

"Wait, what?" Quinn dragged distressed fingers through her hair when the subject of the conversation dawned on her and she realized she was about to be drawn into a manipulating home stay.

"Can you come and stay for a few days while i'm away?"

—

And here she was, a week later, sitting on the mattress in Rachel's guest room and picking anxiously at the loose threads on her pajamas pants. She couldn't stop thinking about the way she'd so quickly turned down Rachel's advances when she'd tried to kiss her goodnight. Her pregnancy hormones had been crazy lately, and her brown eyes had glittered with tears when Quinn had turned her mouth away from those tempting lips and let Rachel's kiss fall against her cheek instead. She'd looked all glassy and fragile like she might crumble and Quinn's heart sank because she'd put that expression on her face. She'd put those tears there and now she sat in her unflattering flannel pajamas, thinking about how much she wanted to crawl into bed with Rachel and take it all back.

She was so much bigger now, five months into the pregnancy and she'd understood why Peter had asked her to help out - even if she resented the prospect of living in his home. Rachel would be due in a little less than four months and couldn't pick up Nicholas anymore. Quinn had tried to keep her distance, but by now she had zero will power when it came to Rachel and she'd been counting down the months in her mind until she'd be able to touch her again without being constantly reminded of what she was sharing with another man.

She was pulled from her thoughts, quite abruptly by the sound of sudden cries coming from down the hall. It was the fifth time it had happened tonight and Quinn was starting to feel a little bad for Rachel who she could hear getting in and out of bed to tend to her son who couldn't seem to settle down. She knew Rachel was exhausted and a pang of misplaced sympathy worried through her and without much forethought, Quinn pushed herself off the bed with a quick glance at her clock and walked out of the room.

She'd kept quiet down the hall and followed the cries, hoping that Rachel wouldn't wake up this time around.

"Hi sweetie," she cooed quietly as she tiptoed towards the young boy. She was almost rendered speechless by the huge toothy grin that appeared on his face at the sight of her and her heart fluttered with guilt, but she pushed it aside as she sat down on the edge of his bed and helped him settle down a little better. She pressed the back of her hand to his forehead and stroked his long hair away from his eyes.

"Are you feeling OK?"

His temperature felt rather normal and he wasn't perspiring so she ruled out the possibility of his recent flu returning straight away. She thought maybe he had a stomachache and rubbed his belly softly, stopping immediately when he grabbed her hand behind a giggle. She didn't want to rile him up at this time.

"Why won't you go to sleep?" she wondered aloud, not really expecting any response from the three-year-old. He giggled again and Quinn wiped away the tear tracks on his cheeks with an absentminded smile. It was obvious that he just wanted some genuine attention - not that for a moment Quinn was criticizing Rachel's skills as a mother because she knew she _adored _her son - but the way Nicholas beamed whenever Quinn stroked his face told her that he was just crying for a little bit of company. A little bit of love.

Kind of like Quinn.

He sniffled a little and Quinn grabbed a baby wipe from his bedside table to wipe his nose.

"You're a natural."

Unbeknown to Quinn, Rachel had been stood, watching from the doorway for the past five minutes while she soothed the little boy. Quinn didn't need to turn around to know that Rachel was probably leaning against the doorframe with one hand resting on her belly like she usually did when she was fatigued - pregnant or not. She knew her hair would be all messy and her skin would be glowing and she knew that she wouldn't be able to resist falling for her all over again. So she ran her fingers through Nicholas' hair again and cooed softly to him as he drifted back to sleep.

"You're so great with him."

"He's easy." Quinn replied quickly with a shrug, dismissing the weight of what Rachel was saying. She wanted to ignore the fact that Rachel was practically saying she'd be a great mother to him if they were to have children together because entertaining even the smallest fantasy of motherhood with Rachel was too much for her broken ol' heart to handle.

"He's a handful." Rachel responded honestly, rubbing her belly. "He loves you."

The guilt was back and disrupting the rare moment of peace that Quinn had since found in her chest and she sighed quietly. She was the definition of home wrecker, and the sweet child before her that adored her so much was very much a part of the family she could potentially tear apart. It made her feel sick.

His eyes had drifted now and Quinn pulled his blanket higher and tucked him in when he shivered a little.

Rachel couldn't lie to herself and pretend she wasn't enjoying seeing Quinn with her son. She loved her being as much a part of her life as she was willing. Peter was such an amazing father to Nicholas, but seeing Quinn with him, talking to him and comforting him just made butterflies flutter in her stomach. She couldn't help but wonder what Quinn's children would look like… _will _look like. She knows she'll have them one day. Ever since high school she'd expressed that she wanted one boy and two girls. She wondered if she'd changed her mind, but then again, they rarely discussed children and doubted Quinn would be so receptive to the topic if Rachel were to bring up the conversation, given how the last one had gone when she'd announced her pregnancy.

She wondered what Quinn's partner would look like. Would she marry a tall blonde haired man with blue eyes? She knew Judy would very much approve. Or maybe she'd marry another woman, though Quinn had always been quite exclusive to Rachel and never shown any interest in other females. Maybe she was just berrysexual. Rachel hoped.

The smallest snore possible to man grunted out of Nicholas' mouth and Rachel smiled endearingly and watched Quinn stand up and head for the door.

Ever the gentlelady, Quinn gestured for Rachel to leave first, and she flicked off the light, noticing the glow of the dark stars that she remembered sticking to the ceiling with Rachel after they'd found out she was pregnant for the first time, three years ago. She pulled the door shut with a click behind her and watched Rachel walk in front of her back down the hall. She had to smile as the sight of her waddling so gracefully down the hall, much like a duck.

"I feel like I should throw you some bread."

Rachel narrowed her eyes into a glare but then grinned when she saw Quinn was smiling too. Then her face suddenly fell flat and she stopped outside her bedroom with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Don't get up again if you hear him crying. I don't mind attending to him."

Quinn shrugged. "I wasn't asleep anyway."

"Are you not comfortable?"

Quinn pursed her lips and remained silent. She wasn't sure Rachel had meant it in the way she thought, but if she honest, she was _extremely _uncomfortable. She was uncomfortable sleeping in Rachel's house, she was uncomfortable knowing Rachel's son loved her, she was uncomfortable that Rachel was so keen to have her in the bed she shared with her husband and she was ridiculously uncomfortable that she herself barely wanted to resist.

"The bed is fine, Rach." she settled on, ignoring the way her conscience weighed heavy on her heart. Rachel wasn't blind though, and she could see right through Quinn's facade and what she was hiding. She knew Quinn was struggling with her conscience. It was something Rachel loved about her, but also frustrated the hell out of her because it meant that she couldn't have Quinn the way she wanted sometimes and she couldn't help but feel afraid that one day she would realize that what they have now is all they'll ever have. She watched Quinn smile sadly and walk back to her room without another word.

Now feeling extremely uncomfortable herself, Rachel followed Quinn in silence not knowing whether or not she aware of her presence until she was in the dark bedroom and Quinn was climbing on to the bed, not daring to look her in the eye. In desperate need to lighten the mood, Rachel sat herself down on the edge of her bed and smiled.

"I know it's a little late, but I can still read you a story if you like?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and rolled over to bury her face in the pillow with a smirk. She loved playful Rachel the most. She was always full of mirth and making her laugh rather than romantic Rachel, who just wanted to touch her and make large gestures all the time. But then Quinn felt soft fingers stroking through her hair and playful Rachel was gone. She couldn't help the shiver down her spine and leaned into the touch when fingers trailed down the back of her neck, slowly brushing over her shoulders, up and down. She let out a contented sigh, reveling in the gentle touch of Rachel's hand that somehow managed to ignite her entire body with the smallest gesture.

She was a bit of a sucker for Rachel Berry. But what else was new?

She turned her face further into her pillow with a quiet hum as her hair fell over her eyes. Rachel's hand rested lightly in the dip of her lower back, rubbing little circles with the pads of her fingers and for a moment, Quinn let herself indulge. Rachel's fingers were like a lullaby, always drawing her deeper into a slumber of emotion whether she was ready or not. Her fingers trailed, attempting to spark the connection between them again. The connection that Quinn was trying not to allow, but failing miserably - because Rachel's hand was slipping around her waist and she was letting herself be rolled onto her side. With her head now resting in her hand, Quinn looked up at Rachel and fell into her eyes. They were twinkling at her with such adoration and desire, that she was helpless to protest when Rachel weaved her other hand into Quinn's hair and leaned down to capture her lips in a languid kiss.

Immediately, the familiarity of Rachel made butterflies flutter in Quinn's chest. The unique taste, smell and feel of her while they were kissing heightened all of her senses as though she could suddenly become hyper sensitive to the woman leaning over her. Rachel sucked Quinn's bottom lip into her mouth, grazing her tongue along softly before tilting her head and diving back in for more. Quinn let Rachel lead the kiss and just reciprocated what she was giving her. Rachel never gave too much, teasing her with little pecks and bites at her lip, but Quinn didn't complain, because when Rachel finally opened her mouth and dipped past Quinn's lips, stars and fireworks and supernovas exploded behind her eyes.

And just like that, all the self-control she'd exerted throughout the evening was gone, as sudden as the need she could feel in each kiss as Rachel fell closer; closer and she threaded her fingers through golden locks, only bringing them closer to one another. And Quinn couldn't resist. She grasped Rachel's top and fisted it in her hands, pulling her down, pulling her towards her, on top of her.

Rachel clung more tightly to Quinn, knotting her hands further into her hair with such passion, trying so desperately to convey what she couldn't say aloud. Their kisses turned slow and intimate and Quinn's fingers let go of Rachel's shirt and dipped under the hem to touch bare skin. She smiled absentmindedly at the small crease in Rachel's brow that creased whenever she was content - yet in thought - and took the incentive to slip her hands higher, her fingers brushing over smooth skin, making the woman above her shiver in anticipation. She watched her closely, basking in the way those gorgeous eyes fluttered as her hands roamed over every inch of soft skin within reach. The way her hands had loosened in Quinn's hair, but were kneading softly at the back of her neck. She could feel her entire body practically vibrating with want.

She could put it down to hormones, or something of the sort, but it was always this way; a limbo between madness and relief, and Quinn understood because the one person who could relieve her was naturally the sole person who she could not go to. It was forbidden by morality for them to even be together. But it didn't stop Rachel and as a result, Quinn could not resist. She couldn't think of anything worse than wanting someone but not having them - and she could never have Rachel. Never the way she wanted.

With Rachel all but humming in her arms and her own heart pounding against her chest, she longed for the intimacy, for the connection, but her hands were shaking and she couldn't bring herself to reach any further because as soon as she pulled her shirt away, everything would be exposed in plain sight. Everything that was evidence of how far apart they really were and how far they'd always be.

There would always be something to keep them from their happy ever after. This time it just happened to be a baby.

She let go of the warm skin and her hands fell to the mattress. Her heart plummeted back to earth and she looked up to meet Rachel's gaze. How could she possibly be with her in the way that she wanted when her _baby _was between them?

Rachel's eyes were swimming with fear and apprehension, and Quinn did her best to smile reassuringly, though it didn't quite reach her eyes. It didn't go unnoticed by Rachel who leaned in again, wanting to just kiss Quinn and forget about the elephant in the room that had yet to be properly addressed. But Quinn turned, and let Rachel's lips fall softly against her cheek.

"I miss you," was whispered in a breath against Quinn's ear, sending a shiver of temptation through her entire body. She pulled back and swallowed thickly at the dark wanton look in Rachel's longing eyes. It was and always would be her kryptonite. Her gaze darted from Rachel's eyes to her kiss swollen lips that were parted slightly at each ragged breath that passed. Her tongue darted out to wet her own and she brought one hand to rest Rachel's hip while the other reached for her jaw. She guided the brunette closer again and brushed her lips against her cheek, just shy of her a lengthy sigh, she reached for Rachel's hands that were still around her and pried her away so she could hold them in her own. She brought them to her lips and placed a lingering kiss in each palm before letting them rest together between them.

"I can't do this now."

"Why?"

It happened before she could really think about what to say, and she hadn't meant to be so tactless, but she knew her face was always revealed everything and Rachel could read her like a book. She'd scoffed, bitterly before she could help it and her eyes landed on Rachel's bump too instinctively for her to stop herself.

"I'm sorry, I…" she stopped and bowed her head, not daring to look Rachel in her eye. All of a sudden she found herself nervous at what she might find there. Quinn pulled her lip between her teeth and chewed nervously, very aware of the rising tension between them. She shuffled around and curled her legs up to her chest where she rest her chin when Rachel slipped away from her. Neither of them had said anything for almost an entire minute now - she'd been counting - and Rachel hadn't made any move to further the conversation. She also hadn't left the room yet, which Quinn supposed was at least some indication that she wasn't _too _upset. She wanted to say something, _anything_, but the voice of her very own Jiminy Cricket was ever present in her head and telling her not to do what she always ended up doing anyway. Her longing to comfort was much stronger than her conscience and her eyes darted to Rachel's. A moment later, she lifted her head up.

Rachel's face betrayed her almost immediately and Quinn nearly wished she hadn't look up at all because Rachel wasn't looking at her, but rather found her lap much more interesting where her hands were fumbling uncomfortably. The dark frown on her brow had Quinn wondering even more what she was thinking. Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth in a harsh bite and her eyelashes fluttered rapidly over and over as though she was fighting back tears. Quinn drew in a deep breath and cleared her throat, finally drawing Rachel's attention up to her.

"Am I that repulsive that you won't even kiss me properly?" Rachel shut her eyes when her voice cracked and drew in a shaky breath when the tears in her eyes finally fell down her cheeks. She rubbed soothing circles over her bump in hopes of calming herself down. It was a silly thing to say and she knew she shouldn't have. Quinn was_ always_ attracted to her, she knew that. She'd told her many times in the past how much pregnancy suited her - and she knew it was true. It looked good on her, but for some reason, the way Quinn had reacted reignited all the insecurities she'd tried so hard to stamp down in her younger years. She'd been intimidated by Quinn's beauty from day one. She was the most beautiful woman Rachel had ever laid her eyes upon; and that was saying something living in New York. She was surrounded by stunning people everyday, all of who paled in comparison to the woman before her. Quinn was effortlessly beautiful. With her choppy dark blonde hair and her heavy hazel eyes that betrayed every human emotion across the spectrum. Of course, her pink lips - soft like candy floss and sweet like love - that Rachel would never tire of kissing. And it wasn't even worth mentioning her nose because, well, that spoke for itself. And this was all aesthetically speaking. Quinn knew how to behave. She was punctual - most of the time -, her empathy was out of this world, she was a very protective friend - and girlfriend, Rachel remembered all too well when she thought of all the times she'd been hit on by perfect strangers or even the likes of the football team when she'd suddenly become more popular after Quinn Fabray had become her girlfriend. Besides the point, Quinn was kind, extremely thoughtful and possessed the kind of confidence that one could admire and gravitate towards rather than envy. But Rachel didn't say any of this aloud. She didn't need to, because Quinn knew exactly how Rachel saw her.

"How can you not know how beautiful you are?" Quinn wondered aloud. She smiled sympathetically when Rachel's eyes drifted and she lifted her hand to cheek, guiding her back. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

And suddenly, Rachel's heart was pounding against her chest. How Quinn could exert such confidence and strength in just a sentence was unbelievable when together, they were a shambles. Quinn moved closer and she let the blonde rest her chin on her shoulder and Rachel wrapped her arms tightly around her waist and hugged her.

Quinn let herself relax into the forgiving embrace and sighed contentedly into a warm neck. After a few moments, Rachel's hands started to move up and down her back, stroking slowly, though with no intention to do anything more than find her solace.

"You're beautiful," Quinn whispered against her ear, squeezing a little when she sighed. "But you know this is hard for me."

"I know, but I miss being with you, I…" Rachel closed her eyes again and lowered her head, emphasizing with a squeeze around Quinn's hips that she needed a moment to gather herself. The blonde pulled Rachel closer and kissed her damp cheek again, then stroking her fingers through silky hair and shushing her quietly until she was ready to continue. "…I can't stand not being able to touch you. You're like music to me, Quinn. I want to have you this close all the time." She punctuated her intentions with a peck on the lips. "Please let me kiss you."

Quinn sat, a little stunned by Rachel's confession, managing nothing but a husky, "yeah," momentarily losing control of her voice. Attempting to stop once was hard enough, and this time her breath was shaky and her hands unsteady and she hated that Rachel could still reduce her to a mumbling mess. Not a second later, soft lips were against her skin, pressing open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and once again, Rachel had managed to manipulate a situation to her advantage.

Quinn immediately wrapped her arms around Rachel's back and pulled her back down on top of her again, relishing in the contact she'd been craving for so long, yet trying so hard to ignore what she didn't want to feel. She licked her lips and forgot everything around her except for the feel of Rachel's hands on her body, palming her softly again, and the pure want that was glowing in her eyes. She dipped her head and lightly brushed her lips over Rachel's, just the faintest touch and sighed at the feeling.

"I just want to be close to you." Rachel smiled into another kiss. Quinn tilted her head and let out a breathy whimper when she felt Rachel's tongue brushing against her bottom lip. She'd missed this. She'd missed her touch. She pulled Rachel impossibly closer against her, letting her guide their kiss. Her kisses were slower and more passionate and her mouth opened by instinct and she let herself be dragged deeper, helpless to do anything but fall all over again. Rachel was pressing against her and it was heaven because it was the body she lived for, but oh boys, was it heartbreaking because the tragic irony of the baby keeping them from being closer emulated their inevitable future once it arrived.

Nimble fingers travelled under the edge of Quinn's sleep top and stroked their way higher until Rachel placed her hand over a fast beating heart. The feel of Quinn's heart racing beneath her hand only spurred Rachel on, and she squeezed gently, pulling a moan from her.

"_God_, I love y-"

Rachel kissed her before she could finish her sentence, silencing what she didn't want to hear. She didn't think she could bare it tonight; not with Quinn quivering beneath her under her hands and telling her how beautiful she was. Her heart too, was beating out of time because of the hand kneading the back of her neck as they kissed while the other had pushed under shirt and was stroking up her back. Her hands always felt perfect on her body, as though her skin was the only thing they were ever meant to touch.

And then suddenly they stopped moving. Quinn's lips were gone in an instant, though her eyes were still closed. There was a deep frown on her forehead and Rachel let out a heavy sigh, understanding exactly what had caused her to stop so abruptly.

Breath escaped her as soon as the look on Rachel's face confirmed what she already knew was happening. Quinn shut her eyes tight. Her chest felt as though it had collapsed inwards and was crushing her heart relentlessly. There was no way this could go any further. Not anymore. Not when Rachel was flush against her and she could feel the baby inside of her kicking between them. Kicking her away, she was sure.

"Rachel…"

"I'm sorry. He gets excited when my heart beats fast."

Quinn caught Rachel's eye and her hand slipped from her neck to rest on her hip.

"_He?_"

Rachel nodded, just once. "Another boy."

She wanted to congratulate her, really. She was pleased for her because Rachel had always wanted boys, but she just couldn't bring herself to say anything. She could already feel the tears building behind her eyes so just settled for a small smile and a nod of acknowledgement. Anything more would have ended in tears or another argument much like the one they'd had five months ago.

Rachel smiled. She knew it was the best she was going to get.

—

It was another two hours before Rachel finally fell asleep in the arms of a very thoughtful Quinn Fabray. They'd laid for what felt like forever, not speaking a word to each other but instead letting the silence wash over them like a cloak. For Quinn, it was of wonder and hope that it wouldn't always be like this between them. That one day, she'd be able to hold Rachel without the lingering fear that they might be caught, or counting the seconds until she'd have to let go. She tried to make the best of her moments, when she was feeling strong enough. On nights like these - though they were few and far between - Quinn didn't have the energy in her heart to do anything but hope.

Rachel fell asleep soon after, but for Quinn, sleep didn't come. She was too hypnotized by the way that the moonlight bounced so beautifully off Rachel's face; and the way her eyelids fluttered whenever Quinn's breath danced over her features; and the way her hair was splayed across Quinn's chest as she clung onto her as though she was frightened she'd slip away. She reached out to push Rachel's fringe back from her sweaty forehead and pressed a kiss to the hot skin. Then she watched as a small smile graced the girls lips while she slept. Quinn tilted her head in curiosity and found herself wondering what the girl was dreaming about. She could never be sure.

She watched Rachel sleep for some time before she disentangled their bodies. Her heart hadn't calmed down from earlier and when she realized sleep wasn't going to come, she knew it was best to leave Rachel alone in case her hammering heart woke her. It wasn't likely, but she didn't want to risk it. Really, she just needed some space.

Quietly, she climbed out of the bed, pulling the blanket up and making sure Rachel was covered and tucked in before she grabbed her discarded hoodie from the bedpost. She closed the zipper before tiptoeing out of the room, being careful not to make any noise on the floorboard in the hall lest Nicholas wake again.

Quinn snuck down the stairs without a creak and made it to the kitchen, where she put the kettle on to boil. She pulled out one of the stools at the counter to wait and turned to look out of the window ahead of her. She could only see her reflection and frowned at the way her hair was messily tied up in a bun on her head. Her eyes were still a little swollen from earlier, but luckily Rachel hadn't noticed in the darkness of the bedroom.

It was still dark outside, but she could make out the first light of the day in the far distance creeping up over the horizon. Her eyes drifted to the clock on the microwave sat beside the bubbling kettle and she sighed tiredly. It'd been a long time since she'd been awake at 3AM and she was sure the last time had been with Santana on a night out somewhere in the City. She groaned at the memory of the hangover she'd suffered the following day and how unsympathetic the Latina had been when she'd woken her up with an obnoxious alarm.

She was due to see her soon for their monthly coffee date. Santana was busy on the West Coast, saving lives and supporting Brittany in her quest to be 'the world's best dancer', that they didn't get the opportunity to see each other as often as they'd like. Though once a month, each to their word, they found their way to each other either over the internet, or in person if they were lucky. One the rare occasion that their schedules overlapped and spared them time in person, their evenings often consisted of gossip, music, wine in abundance and on occasion a good New York City nightclub. Quinn wasn't an excessive drinker and wasn't able to keep up with Santana the way she used to anymore, so she generally opted to watch her friend get utterly wasted and - being the most sober of the two - get them both home. There was only a handful of times when Santana had ended up being the one carrying Quinn to her bed, and it was usually after a particularly strenuous month with Rachel.

The kettle soon finished boiling and Quinn poured herself a mug of herbal tea. It was a little too early for coffee just yet, she thought as she traced her finger tips around the rim of the mug, waiting for her drink to cool. Though the sun was on it's way up, Quinn was on her way down. Her eyes were heavy, as was her heart, and her head was full of hope, at 3AM, for the little things. She hoped that when Rachel woke up, she'd kiss her good morning. She hoped that they could spend the entire day together, for once without the burdens of infidelity - as horrifyingly selfish as it sounded. She hoped that the sun would shine and make her look beautiful in the light. She hoped that she could look at Nicholas without being reminded of the guilt.

Mostly, she just hoped that one day, Rachel would see how much she was hurting - and care to maybe, just maybe help her mend her heart.


End file.
